oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
