woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
