Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
