cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
worst night to have a conscience
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
