So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
