just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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