looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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