Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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