She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
