dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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