he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
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