No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
