My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
