Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize