I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
you win again, gameday.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Are we still banned from the library?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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