Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
