I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize