In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
