it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
