Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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