She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
