My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
