fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
People in love make me want to vomit
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
