Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
