yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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