she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
