What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
