Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
