I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
