operation have a gay friend backfired
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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