TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
