i think my mom watched the whole time
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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