Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
