As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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