he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Pants are for mortals
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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