As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
