his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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