We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
