i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
