also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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