my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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