Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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