I think my fart just growled at me.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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