I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
