Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
