College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
