He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
