A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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