I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
