How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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