Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
