Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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