there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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