I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
