So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
