hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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