Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
