Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
did you just send me my own nude
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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