I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
