Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
