I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
how does that bad decision feel?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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