when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
