Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
