I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I think your dad took our porno
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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