I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine