she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her