hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!