If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
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