i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
