its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
