I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Randomize
