I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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