Swine flu. Run for my life!
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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