Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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