I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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