you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
