He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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