I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize