my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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