She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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