My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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