shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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