Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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