I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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