my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
