I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
