sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
