sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
