2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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