OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I think im going to throw up on grandma
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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