Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
